Rule One

The first rule about parenthood is: There are no rules to parenthood.

Dump the books, dump this book! - Ignore the web pages, the blogs, the midwives, the professionals, the mothers, fathers and all those who think they know. Obviously don't ignore the genuine safety advice - but nobody knows parenthood - because no one has met your baby.

And you won't get that until you meet him or her. You honestly will think there must be some way to force or mould your child into some regime, or routine, or plan, and you can learn or be guided through the parenthood maze. But the horrific, hidden truth behind every parent, is that no one knew what they were doing first time round, and no one can tell you how it will be with yours.

The moment Jacob came into the world, I remember feeling awe, and amazement. I felt confused as to how this lumpette had been inside me (and survived) and relieved that my hard work (pah!) was done, and tired, and emotional and annoyed that all the staff were still in the room and I couldn't have my special family time. I remember looking at this child, this baby and thinking 'Seriously?' I just couldn't believe that I had to do a test to drive a car, an assessment to get a mortgage, an interview for a job - but no one had even checked throughout the whole nine months whether I would be suitable, let alone capable, of being a parent.